


The most you’ve done for me is make me want to jump off a cliff

by raranalga



Category: Original Work
Genre: Multi, but hes failing miserably, but taro wont let him, chae and batuhan love each other but are too dense to admit it, chronological order who? don’t know her, do yourself a favor and dont take this seriously, heather is just vibing, juri just wants to be loved, juri wants to jump off a bridge, kennet wants a knife-obsessed gf, lizzie and blade are obsessed with sharp objects, no beta lmao what is that, no seriously what is that, probs because the aliens and humans are falling in love with each other tbh, rakali is just here for the ride, riu is obsessed with assassins creed, seamus wants a big tiddy alien gf, taro wants a thick scatt gf that also happens to be his childhood bestie, touka is a certified ass kicker, you know you have a problem when you make an au to your already-original universe, youssef is very gay, zuno is trying to unite his family against the humans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:53:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29362065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raranalga/pseuds/raranalga
Summary: “ i just want someone to love me. ““ i love you, juri! ““ i mean romantically, taro. ““ what makes you think i don’t love you romantically? ““ what? ““ what? “orjuri finds out that aliens exist the hard wayi’ll only update this when the angst in omnisciently horrid gets to be too much for me to handle





	The most you’ve done for me is make me want to jump off a cliff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which someone stole Youssef’s Dairy Free Yogurt

All was quiet in the house. Batuhan was playing mario kart by himself on a large sectional, and Juri was reading up on Scatt history on a lone chair next to a window. Kennet had left the room 10 minutes ago to take a shower, because according to Batuhan, he reeked of sweat. Youssef, the short, black-haired fellow with a French accent, walked into the room. His hands were in his brown trenchcoat’s pockets, and he sighed into his bundled up scarf. None of his roommates bothered to acknowledge his entrance, but it’s not like he cared. Youssef sighed yet again, and opened up the small fridge. All he needed was his Dairy Free Yogurt, and then he could go about his day, and-

It wasn’t in the fridge.

Youssef’s brow furrowed in confusion. His Dairy Free Yogurt was always there, no one else here likes it. Except Kennet. And maybe Batuhan, if he felt like it. And maybe Juri, if there was nothing left to eat. Youssef closed the door to the fridge, and opened it again, hoping the spirits had summoned his Dairy Free Yogurt back into the fridge. 

But it still wasn’t in the fridge.

Youssef sighed, and turned to face the two roommates in the living room.

“ Who the fuck ate my Dairy Free Yogurt? “

Juri stopped reading, and turned to look at the oldest roommate. His yellow eyes squinted at him, making it look like the teenager thought he was crazy.

“ Why do you think _we_ ate it? “

“ That’s an irrelevant question, Juri. Now, tell me. Who the _fuck_ ate my Dairy Free Yogurt? “

Batuhan didn’t stop playing mario kart, but nonetheless answered. 

“ Maybe, just maybe, you ate it yourself and forgot. “

Youssef sighed, and moved to pull something out of his trenchcoat. 

“ I didn’t want to have to do this, but you’ve left me with no choice. “

Youssef pulled out a nerf gun, and pointed it to the back of Batuhan’s head. The Stitarian immediately stopped playing mario kart, and froze on the couch. Juri, upon seeing this unfold, immediately pulled out a nerf gun he was hiding under his black hoodie. He pointed it at the oldest roommate, his face remaining emotionless and cold. 

“ I’d advise you to lower your weapon, Youssef. “

Youssef turned his gaze to the Forexan-American, and sneered.

“ What makes you think I will? “

“ The fact that I have a gun pointed at your chest right now. “

Youssef turns to face Batuhan, and is surprised to see that the brunet indeed had a nerf gun pointed at his chest. The Stitarian grinned, and cocked the gun. In return, Youssef quickly did the same with his gun, and expected Juri to do the same, but was surprised to see that the youngest already had his gun ready to shoot. The three roommates stared at each other, waiting to see who would make the first move. Instead, someone was heard exiting a bathroom.

Kennet walked into the living room wearing a pink v-neck and white sweatpants. The Norwegian-Korean man was still drying his dyed-orange hair when he noticed the standoff. He immediately froze, giving each of his roommates a weird look. 

“ What is the meaning of this? “

“ Someone ate my Dairy Free Yogurt. “

“ Ah, I see. Well, let me just… “

Kennet threw his towel on a nearby chair, and pulled out a hidden nerf gun from behind the flat screen tv. He immediately pointed it at Juri, causing the Forexan-American to laugh bitterly. 

“ Oh course _you’d_ side with him. “

“ What the fuck is that supposed to mean, half-alien looking ass! “

“ Hey! Don’t insult him! Only I can do that! “

Batuhan, upon yelling at Kennet for insulting his friend, pointed his gun at Kennet. For a moment, the long-haired fellow considered pointing his gun at Batuhan in return. He ultimately decided against it, and kept his aim on Juri. Youssef gritted his teeth, and prepared to shout. 

“ ALRIGHT BITCHES, LET’S GET BACK TO BUSINESS! WHO THE FUCK STOLE MY DAIRY FREE YOGURT?! “

“ Well, it wasn’t me! I’ve been playing Mario Kart all day! “

“ Well, it’s either you or Juri! “

“ Why don’t you think it’s Kennet? “

“ Because Kennet currently has a gun pointed at you, Juri! “

“ That’s true. “

Youssef gave Kennet a weird look for saying something so out of place, but decided not to question it. Batuhan, while not moving the position of his gun, looked over at Youssef. 

“ None of us stole your Dairy Free Yogurt. “

“ Bullshit! It was one of you, and I know it! “

Kennet sighed, and looked over at all of his roommates. 

“ Look, there’s no need for standoff. Let’s just lower our guns, and talk this out like grown adults. “

“ I’m not an adult, Kennet. “

“ Sorry, Juri. Let’s just lower our guns, and talk this over like grown adults and one teenager. “

Everyone slowly started to lower their guns. Youssef, still blinded by the rage of his Dairy Free Yogurt being eaten, screamed.

“ NO! “

Youssef shot Batuhan, causing the Stitarian to shoot Kennet, causing the orange-haired fellow to shoot Juri, causing the pissy teenager to shoot the black-haired man with a French accent. Everyone collectively groaned at the impact of the bullets. Juri collapsed onto his chair, his body unmoving. Youssef slumped over the couch, slowly falling to the floor. Batuhan fell to his side, still managing to stay on the couch. Kennet straight up just flung himself into the air, and onto the floor. He grunted when he hit the ground, but then remembered he was supposed to be dead, and went silent. After a long moment of silence, the front door is heard unlocking. 

“ Hey, fuckers! I’m back from meeting up with my cousins. What are you all-”

Taro stopped abruptly after coming across the “dead” bodies of his friends. He got a good look at each of them, shock and confusion becoming key expressions on his face. 

“ What the _shit_ happe- “

Taro was abruptly cut off by the fact that he got shot in the chest. He quickly looked over all of his friends, and was surprised to see that it was Juri who was the culprit. The Scatt gripped his shirt, and dramatically fell to the floor. All 5 roommates stayed quiet and dead. At least, they did until Kennet giggled.

“ Oh, Mulashi-dammit, Kennet! You always ruin everything! “

“ Bah, don’t sweat it, Taro! We’re just having fun, right Juri? “

The Forexan-American mumbled something in Filipino that no one else could understand. Kennet and Taro rolled their eyes, and slowly sat up. Batuhan rubbed his eyes, and Juri threw his gun to the ground. Taro helped Youssef stand up, and the fellow with a French accent quickly surveyed the room. 

“ Okay, real talk though, who ate my Dairy Free Yogurt? “

“ That was me. “

Everyone either gave Taro confused or horrified looks. The Scatt looked innocent.

“ Aren’t you a carnivore? “

“ Yeah. “

“ Then why are you eating Dairy Free Yogurt? “

“ I dunno. “

Batuhan opened his mouth to respond, but decided against it. Juri sighed, and decided to let go of the topic. 

“ Let’s just clean this shit up. “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeahhhhh uhhhhhh none of yall are gonna understand whats happening. and i mean NONE of yall. i made up this story on my own, and this is deadass just a crack fic for the story. there is no plot, it’s just my characters fuckin around. i’m excited to see what you guys think is going on


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